EPL weekend review, the James Bond way

Leicester City celebrate Jamie Vardy breaking the record after scoring in eleven consecutive Premier League games on their giant screen. (Source: Reuters)

There has been a whiff of 007 in town, thanks to the release of the latest Bond flick in India. So what better way to look back on a dramatic EPL weekend, than by giving it a distinctly Bond flavour, minus the licence to kill, of course.

Jimmy Vardy: Man with the Golden Gun

If you had told us at this time last year that the man from Leicester would not only be leading the goalscoring charts in the next season, but would also eclispse Rudd Van Nistelrooy’s record of scoring in ten consecutive EPL matches, we would have put you down as sportily insane. Well, Vardy has done both, and what better way to break Van Nistelrooy’s record than against the club the Dutchman played for? Yes, Man U did get back and equalise, but at the end of the day, the match was about the down to earth Leicester striker who a few years ago seemed unlikely to make it to the Premier League, leave alone topping its scoring list,.

Jurgen Klopp: Goldfinger

Everything that Goldfinger touched turned to gold, or well, the man tried to make sure it did – even women, for God’s sake. Well, Liverpool’s manager Jurgen Klopp seems to have similar convert into gold powers. The same players who had looked jaded and tired under Brendan Rodgers are looking like class acts under the German. Is it the frequent hugging and smiling that does it? Or is it the Gegen Pressing tactic? We know not, and neither do Swansea, who were the latest club to fall to Klopp’s men – 1-0 at Anfield, thanks to a James Milner penalty.

Newcastle and Steve McLaren: Skyfall

These are tough times at Tyneside and they just got tougher when Crystal Palace, managed ironically by the very man many Newcastle fans booed last year when he was in charge of their club, Alan Pardew, handed the Magpies a dreadful 5-1 drubbing. As the Newcastle fans booed their team off the pitch, their manager Steve McLaren, could not be blamed for thinking that the sky was falling on his head. He must be hoping that his fortunes too turn around like Pardew’s, although honestly, we don’t see that happening fast.

Chelsea: Quantum of Solace

Oh how have the mighty fallen. Last year, Spurs would have been happy to get a point against Mourinho’s marauding Chelsea. But this season, it was the defending champions who were on the backfoot, looking more keen to avoid defeat than to chase a win. As if the negativity on the pitch was not bad enough, Diego Costa’s antics on the bench made matters considerably worse. At the end of the day, the match finished goalless and Mourinho could at least claim that Chelsea’s run of losses seemed to be coming to an end. He had, in Bond terms, a quantum of solace for himself. The fans – both Chelsea’s and Spurs’ (who were the far more enterprising team) – might disagree, though.

Manchester United and Luis van Gaal: Dr No

He might not have been the most spectacular Bond villain but Dr No rocked the box office. And well, the same might be said of Luis van Gaal at Manchester United. The critics and fans might be frothing at the mouth at the man’s obsession with possession and decidedly defensive approach to the game (one which is so much in contrast with the “attack, attack, attack” philosophy of the Manchester Red Devils), but at the end of the day, you cannot argue with the fact that Manchester United are third in the table, just a point behind the leaders. Not stand out spectacular (and some may moan “oh we could not even beat Leicester”) but pretty much doing the business. Like Dr No did!

Sunderland: You Only Live Twice

Dead, buried and gone? So it seemed as Sunderland seemed totally out of sorts in the Premiership in spite of dodging the drop twice. Well, they now find themselves out of the relegation zone for the first time in a while this season, thanks to some cunning organisation and backline beefing up by the master of making the most of what he has, Sam Allardyce. Sunderland did not set the stadium on fire with their creativity but eventually ground down a flying Stoke City to set up a 2-0 win. Goodbye, relegation scrap. Well, for a week at least, Sunderland are alive and well in the Premiership. Talk about living twice.

Aston Villa: Die Another Day

It is pretty much the frying pan and fire treatment for Aston Villa. The club have switched managers and formations, and now things have reached such a pass that it feels that until they actually start swapping personnel on the pitch as well, each match is going to see their fans die a thousand deaths.Manager Remy Garde tried to put a brave face on his team’s display against Watford, but getting beaten 2-3 by a team that has just come up the division left the Villa faithful fuming, even though the team did show more drive and determination than in the recent past. Unless something dramatic happens, Villa seem doomed to die another day. And another. And another.

Leicester City: Thunderball

“He strikes…like Thunderball” went the theme song of the Bond flick. And it certainly seems to be the case with Leicester City whose honeymoon at the top of the Premiership simply refuses to end. With Mahrez making the bullets and Vardy firing them, Leicester remain on top of the table, tied with Manchester City on points, and very much ahead on the style of play charts, attacking with gay abandon and reckless speed. They were expected to be grounded by Manchester United. They finished 1-1, and still on top. And in the opinion of many, maybe even the better team. This Thunderball keeps on striking. As the song went: “He looks at the world, and wants it all…” – perhaps it is time to start considering Ranieri’s men as real contenders.

Arsenal: Casino Royale

You would have better luck putting your dimes in a slot machine than betting on Arsenal right now – the Gunners seem to be flitting between the sublime and the ridiculous time and again, ad a long injury list does not help their cause. Considered among the favourites for the title a few weeks ago and even on top of the league for a while, Arsene’s team have since suffered a defeat at the hands of West Brom and things did not improve significantly with a draw with Norwich. With Coquelin and Sanchez both injured, the title suddenly seems a long way away, notwithstanding the constant wizardry of Mesut Ozil, who scored against Norwich. Yes, it is a bit of a Casino at Highbury – you do not know which Arsenal will turn up, the elegant or the erratic or worse, both at different times in the same match!

Everton: Live and Let Die

2-0 up. 3-2 up in injury time. And you still do not end up with all three points in the bag. Yes, the media might be going ga-ga over the spunky Bournemouth side that held Everton to a stunning 3-3 draw, but Everton boss Roberto Martinez was left fuming at his team missing a chance to go sixth in the table by winning a match that it controlled for long durations and had seemed to have all but won when Barkley scored in injury time. Bournemouth had lived but Everton’s European hopes for the next season might have taken a terrible blow, if not died. Bond-ian, very!